And here comes the hair thing… again.
Some months have passed since I wrote the last post about hair and I consider that now I have much more experience to talk about it. Has my opinion changed?
Well, no really. Actually as time goes by, I believe more and more that all the fuzz about Black/African hair has no real merit.
I still maintain my position and I know that I’m taking good care of my children’s hair.
There is really no reason for any adoptive parent of a black child to believe that he/she has to go trough special training to care for the hair of his/her adopted child.
African people have been taking care of their hair since the beginning of humankind and they have done a pretty good job so far. Even in places where means are scarce, they always find a way to care for their hair and to keep it growing in their heads. It’s known that many people in Ethiopia use just plain Vaseline to keep it easy to comb and in place and once in a while they use butter to moisturize it. It probably sounds disgusting to Western ears, but hey, they do what they can with what they have and as far as I know, none of them have become bald… Yes, maybe butter is not the best “moisturizer”, but they can’t afford expensive hair products that cost from $10 and up a bottle. They don’t have the luxury to choose which brand and type to use. Curl activator or styling cream? Vanilla or coconut? Light lotion or heavy cream? Let’s be real, they have more urgent matters in their hands, like, dinner tonight or an empty stomach?
I’m saying all this just to make a point. We are so spoiled that we care about brands and ingredients to put in our hairs and forget about the real issues of life.
Yes, I can afford expensive products, but are they really worth the money I pay for them? Isn’t it better to spend that money in things that matter more? I’ve tried products, regular ones that you can find in any supermarket and also those you can only buy online and pay good money for them, and honestly… I don’t find much of a difference. There are many expensive products (over $10) that are REALLY crappy, and there are regular ones that do a pretty good job for only $4 o $5 a bottle. There are products labeled as “natural”, “organics” or whatever you call them that will make you hate mother nature, and there are “chemical” products (natural products are also chemical, by the way) that are exactly formulated for what they do, take care of your hair! It seems that we enter in all this hype about African hair and how difficult it is to take care of and to style, and that we need the “right” product, etc, etc, when it’s really not true. I have two African kids that came from Ethiopia with REAL African hair on their heads and we are doing really well, thanks.
Feven has what it’s known in the African culture as “good hair”, that would be a 3a or 3b according to “connoisseurs”, so it’s pretty easy to comb and style, doesn’t tangle if you keep it moisturized and tied at night. Feromsa on the opposite side has what African Americans call “kinky” hair, like a 4b or maybe more, like c or d, if it exists… Very dry, very tight curls, tangles easily, hard to keep moisturized and tidy.
I love both hair types and last time I checked they are still there, crowing their heads and cushioning their beautiful brains…
African hair is not difficult. African hair is just different from Caucasian hair and it needs another type of care, that’s all!
Dylan and me, we both have the typical Caucasian hair, fine and straight so I can easily compare ours to those of Feromsa and Feven. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are the lucky ones that have REALLY good hair! I truly mean it. I can’t talk about Miguel’s hair since he lost it a while ago, and he’s quite happy to be bald, believe or not, one less thing to worry about (according to him).
Now, about the “REALLY good hair” of the title. Since when you can keep a style on your head for more than a day when you have straight hair? Since when you can go weeks without washing your straight hair?
Anyone? I don’t think so…
When you have black curly hair you can go from one to three weeks (even a month)with the same style and without washing your hair. Maybe doesn’t sound pretty to white people, but it’s completely normal and healthy for natural African hair.
We are so obsessed with cleanliness, perfect shinny flowing hair that we dismiss anything that doesn’t conform to our white standards. 
African hair is dry and doesn’t shine, but that’s NORMAL people! Just keep it moisturized and don’t mess with it and you will be fine. African hair is fragile, keep it in protective styles, let it breathe once in a while and again don’t mess with it!
Now the subject of styling African hair. You don’t need to take a class to learn how to style African hair. It’s not rocket science! It’s just hair. If you child is very young, don’t mess too much with her delicate hair. If she’s a little bit older, you can start with just pony tails, or a simple braid. Later you can “upgrade” to Bantu knots, flat twists, cornrows, etc. Yeah, maybe the first cornrow will be all crooked, but the learning curve is fast. In no time you’ll be styling your daughter’s hair like a pro. Really. Just practice and patience and no pressure, you and your children will be fine.
I now can style Feven’s hair very easily, nothing too complicated for us, since she’s only two and I don’t want to bother her too much, it’s supposed to be fun, not a torture. I’m making cornrows already and and it took me just a few weeks to get into the braiding rhythm, but I now find them quite easy to make.
With Feromsa is a little more complicated. For starters, he’s a boy. I can’t even make him dress or bathe when he’s supposed to, so less can I make him stay still to detangle his hair. I really love the texture of his tight curls, but we couldn’t get to a decent length to do something more interesting with them. So far, it’s very short hair or short Afro. I tried to lock his hair but he and his hair are simply not ready yet for that. I don’t insist too much with him, I’m glad that at least he lets me wash and condition and brush his hair and we will keep it short for now. I mean, he’s the typical boy, active, messy and loud. He has put on his hair anything you can imagine, from sand to mud, from toothpaste to food. So better to keep things easy, he has other stuff to take care of right now.
I consider African hair beautiful, and REALLY good hair, taking care of it and styling is part of their heritage, but I don’t want to create the idea in their minds that their hair is “difficult” because it’s not.
I’m just trying to keep it real. I have a gazillion things to do everyday and hair is definitely not a priority in my life. I also want to tell other parents of adoptive children from Ethiopia that please don’t loose sleep over their hair, there are so many, many things to worry about when you bring home an adopted child from another race and culture that hair is just nothing compared to that.
To end this post, a couple of photos, Feven’s cornrows and Feromsa’s tidy afro. Not bad, right?
AliciA
11 users commented in " Really good hair "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackDear Alicia
I really enjoy reading your blogs! thank you for sharing.
I want to ask you a question about hair.
My daughter is 3.5 y.o., her hair is still short like Feromsa (picture on this post), she has very very tight curls and very thick hair. She is very active, and never stay still long enough for me to comb her hair. I just want to leave it naturally curled (but defined), do you have any suggestions, any haircare product to use? I hope by the time her hair is long enough to do braids, or coils, I learn to manage her hair
thanks
Lan
Hi Lan,
I’m not a hair expert, but I’ve learned a few things since I brought my children from Ethiopia. One thing you need to do is to keep your daughter’s hair untangled and moisturized. I know how difficult it is to keep a little child still, but you have to find a way to keep her seated at least for ten or fifteen minutes at a time so she lets you comb her hair. Try to keep her entertained with something that she likes and that you only allowed her to do while you take care of her hair. My children like to watch children videos and actually my little girl now asks me to comb her hair because she knows that’s the time she has to watch her Barney’s videos! Never comb her hair if it’s dry, spray with water first, then add a moisturizer lotion, comb first with your fingers so the lotion gets to her scalp, very much like a head massage, separate in sections, and then use a wide tooth comb, ends of the hair first and slowly get to the roots. At night ALWAYS tie her hair, or if it’s too short, find a sleeping cap that fits to keep her hair in place during her sleep. Satin pillowcases are a good choice too. My personal ritual, is every night I tie my daughter’s hair before she goes to bed, and every morning I untie it, spray it with water, brush it, and add some moisturizer. I use Alaffia products, they are not very expensive and are easy to find in any natural food market, like Whole Foods. Alaffia Virgin Coconut & Shea Butter enriching hair lotion for daily moisturizing, Alaffia Shea and Honey conditioner shampoo for washing (every 3 to 4 weeks but no more often than once a week), Alaffia Shea Butter and Honey conditioner to wash between shampoos (it’s called co-wash) or to use after shampooing. Once her hair is long enough to style, you can use some styling cream like the one from Alba Botanica (also widely available) or the Madagascar Vanilla Cream by Darcy’s Botanicals (on the internet). Good moisturizers are also Olive Oil (Organix brand is not very expensive and quite good) and Jojoba Oil (Trader Joe’s sells this one). You find links in my Hair page.
Never, never forget to moisturize her hair every day and don’t keep her hair too tight. The main thing you need to do right now is to find a way that she lets you take care of her hair. I took my son to the barber shop the other day (an African American barbershop) and they were quite surprised that his hair was so nice and soft, maybe because I’m a white mom, but really, the only thing I do with his hair is keep it very well moisturized.
How many times did I say moisturized? I guess that gives you a clue of what’s the most important thing with black hair!! Also, I would recommend the site of a fellow adoptive mother of two girls that only writes about hair. One of her daughters has a hair type like yours, so you will find lots of useful info there as well as hairstyles for when you child’s hair grows a little longer: http://www.happygirlhair.com/
Hope this info helps!
AliciA
Hi,
im from argentina, and i like a lot your post.
Im white, but im pregnant, and probably my baby will have afro hair, because his father is afrocuban.
I was thnking about how i will braid his hair, beacaouse i like a lot that style, with the conrows, but i have no idea about how to do it, maybe you can help me.
Your children are really beautifull, congratulations!
Hi,
I’m not sure if to answer in English or Spanish… so I will use both…
Cornrows are really easy once you get the hang of it, if you already know how to braid then you can easily create a cornrow, and believe or not are easier on curly hair than on straight hair! Basically you part the hair and create “rows”. You start braiding each row like a normal braid, and after the first couple of turns, you start to add hair from the rest to the middle strand. The secret of making a neat cornrow is to have the hair well moisturized and crossing the strands UNDER the others not over. You can find many videos of how to cornrow on YouTube. //
Cornrows son faciles una vez que le tomas la mano, si ya sabes hacer trenzas entonces facilmente podes hacer una cornrow, y crease o no son mas faciles de hacer en pelo enrulado que lacio! Basicamente se parte el cabello en hileras, y se empieza a trenzar cada una como una trenza normal, y despues de unas primeras vueltas, se agrega mas cabello de la base a la parte del medio. El secreto de hacer cornrows es tener el cabello bien humectado y cruzar la trenza por debajo no por arriba. Hay muchos videos de como hacer cornrows en YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgorfY_OPAc
I really enjoyed this post, your information is very much common sense. The hair obsession and many products are definitely an African American thing. When I first came to America a lot of black people would come up to me and ask me how I got my hair to grow so long and healthy, I told them that I just wash it and it takes care of itself. I used butter on my hair when itwas dry in Ethiopia now I use fancy lotions but really it’s not that complicated.
Vaseline is horrid and extremely flammable. Stay away from it at all costs! Keep it simple and holistic. Olive oil, coconut oil is awesome, jojoba oil, almond oil. Nothing too complicated (or hazardous) is needed.
BTW, I didn’t say that Vaseline was the best thing for African hair, only that it’s something that is widely used in Ethiopia (and other places) where they don’t have the possibility to buy anything else. Take into account that some people earn just 2 dollars a day (and many more less than that), so almond oil, or coconut oil is a luxury they can’t afford… and probably neither or those are available at all… I’ve heard of olive oil use in Ethiopia by people who have the means.
Let’s keep things real, people…
Hi Alicia! NICE post- I am an Afrikan born in America but I have been deprogrammed as I never really was by “Western” and lets keep it real- European thinking.Yes many of the “African Americans” do not know any if much of there story. I am a licensed skincare specialist and have taken some cosmetology and it is true for sure that we do not have to constantly wash our hair because we do not have a over production of keratin protein which creates oiliness and attracts bugs such as lice- the way many European descent do. Euro descent does have to wash their hair frequently because of oil build up, and be careful of critters… So, of course us not having to wash our hair frequently- was used against us by saying we are “unclean” and nasty… When frequent washing actually strips, dries, and damages Afrikan hair. BUT they don’t teach THAT is cosmetology! People REALLY need to research outside of man made books written by ppl who paid for, & stole recognition and research outside of google and controlled media- as if everyone does not know it by now. Anyway- good job continue to keep it real… And yes your children are BEAUTIFUL your son favors mine a LOT- are you from Ethiopia?
My apologies, I skipped over some things while reading, and I see that you have two Ethiopian children- NOT that you were Ethiopian :-/ But still, nice article and thanks for setting some things straight about what is thought about us Afrikans hair- I do not know many Caucasians that will do that… No offense meant by the comment- just telling the truth.
Let the kid’s hairline grow. Don’t worry about them when they’r young. Because when they’re teenagers, they’re gonna be the ones getting made fun of for having a hairline way above where it should be.
Not washing straight hair:
I have straight soft hair and I wash it maybe once every 3 months. My grandmother taught me not to wash it.
I massage my hair with a scalp massager and brush it with a natural bristle brush to distribute the oils.
There’s no actual need to wash straight hair either, the massaging and brushing cleans it. Especially if done 2 to 3 times a day it will help it grow. My hair is long up to my waist, it’s not a short hair only thing.
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