I’ve compiled a list of questions that I often get asked by people who want to adopt or has already started the process of adoption. More than a year after we brought the children home I fell more ready to post answers, in particular the ones related to parenting the children. This is just my opinion based on my experience.
Right now Ethiopia is one of the most affordable international adoption programs, specially for parents who don’t want to get broke in the process, but like everything in this field, you really can’t predict how it will be in the future.
Anyway, adoption tends to be relatively expensive, no matter which path you choose to take, domestic or international.
When we adopted here in the US (we started by the end of 2007) it took us just a year since we signed the first papers until we brought the children home. I know that now it’s taking longer, first because the parents wanting to adopt are more than before, and second because Ethiopia has changed a little bit the process.
Well, mostly yes. It also depends on your definition of healthy. The majority of children that are adopted from Ethiopia come with minor health problems, like scabies, parasites, ringworm, chickenpox, etc, that usually clear up during the first months home. Most of them come with certain degree of malnutrition, so that implies that they usually have low weight and height for their age and some delay in development, but they catch up fast once they are well fed and taken care of. Said that, there are cases of children that come with more serious issues like TB or severe malnutrition that deeply affect their development. Unfortunately many of these problems are not disclosed by doctors in Ethiopia and many parents find out about them when they meet the child in person for the first time. But this is a lot like when you have a biological child, there’s always a slight chance of him/her having health issues, but you’ll love him anyway and will take care of him no matter what. Besides, there are many problems that can be treated better here in the US than anywhere in the world so even big problems can be fixed or diminished and both the child and you can have a very happy life.
It depends on the agency you are using and the country where you live, but in the best case scenario the most you can choose is age range, gender, healthy or special needs, and how many you want to adopt. Once the choice is made and the papers are sent to Ethiopia, the process of referral starts. After waiting for a while you’ll be matched to a child and your agency will send the information about him and now it is your chance to accept the referral or say no and wait for another one. Most of the parents accept the first referral unless it’s really totally different from what they were expecting.
I know that there are agencies that have something like a waiting child list, and in that case you can view the information of the children available to adopt and choose from that list. These are usually older children or children that have some kind of disability.
Get informed. Read adoption blogs, subscribe to an adoption group, talk with people who have already adopted.
Tough one… I guess it depends on how “white” you are. It depends if you are comfortable with the idea of raising black children, if you are willing to educate yourself about race and culture, if you get prepared to deal not only with the adoption issue, but also with the race issue.
It’s not enough to consider yourself anti-racist, you need to step out of your shoes and see the world the way black people not only sees it, but lives it. There are many books, articles, blogs, magazines, etc, that deal specifically with race and racism. Remember that you are not black so it’s difficult to realize how a black person lives in a white world. Your child will live all his life as a black human being in a white world, so you need to prepare him and yourself for that in the same way you do for adoption.
Yes. Even when your children will be raised outside of their birth country, you need to maintain a link with their original culture. You can start by seriously learning about Ethiopian culture and African culture. Again, in the same way you are preparing yourself for adoption and parenthood, you need to prepare yourself to know as much as you can about Ethiopia. You are not only adopting a child, you are adopting an Ethiopian child.
Don’t think about yourself, think about your child. Your adoption is not all about you, it is mainly about the happiness of the child. Even when you can’t change anyone’s mind, you can educate your immediate family about the process of adoption, about Ethiopia, race, and that also it’s all about this child not their feelings. Try to involve you family in the process instead of starting a war. The child will also need all of them while he’s growing up. Many people reject adoption out of ignorance, and sometimes they change their opinion when they get to know the child. But don’t expect their approval either, concentrate on your child not your or their feelings.
Even if they never fully accept the idea of your adoption, you will find support in other people, like friends, other adoptive parents, etc.
I don’t know. Is it OK to keep having biological children in this overpopulated world? Is it OK to spend so much money in an international adoption while people are starving abroad? Is it OK to waste money and resources in things we don’t need while others don’t have a roof over their heads? ¿Is it OK that just because a child was born in Ethiopia, he’s destined to live in poverty and hunger?
Every case is different, every person is different.
If you want to help orphans, just give money to a charity, don’t adopt. Adoption is something totally different.
You are bringing home a child to be part of your family forever, but that child has a history, he has rights that should be respected. He’s not your trophy, you are not “saving” him.
He always has to come first, and his race and origin should be taken into account. Are you willing to include a new culture into your family? To relate to people of the same race of your child? To appreciate who he is, his past, his race? It’s a lifelong commitment and sometimes it won’t be easy and you will encounter a lot of negative opinions about your choice of bringing a child from another country. Don’t fight them, don’t dismiss them. Listen and learn.
Every person deals with this differently, but usually keeping yourself busy helps. Start a blog, prepare things for you child/children, make some small home improvements. Learn about adoption and its challenges, read about Ethiopian culture, African culture, race. Above all live in the moment.
AliciA
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