One of the benefits of being and older mom is that you have a lot of personal experience and you can handle child rearing in a different way. I don’t worry as much as I used to with my first child, and try to live day by day.
Any parent feels the constant pressure to raise a child to succeed in life; your child has to have the best and be the best. We feel that if our child doesn’t reach the developmental milestones in time, doesn’t go to the best school, doesn’t have the best grades, doesn’t take as many extracurricular activities has he can, or doesn’t have a clear inclination to a particular subject, he’s going to be a failure in life. Parents are always comparing their children against those of others to see if they are where they’re supposed to be.
I’ve decided a long time ago not to enter the “success race”, it is bad for you and for your children and is no measure for happiness in life, which in the end is the real indication of a person’s success.
Raising children is not easy, and if some of them are adopted, there are different challenges than with a biological child, so, it’s even more difficult to try to compare them with the “regular” child.
My goals for my children have changed over time, and I’m glad they did. I want to raise healthy happy children, not obsessed for success ones.
My children don’t have a long list of after school activities, if they want to do something, great, if they don’t I’m OK with it. I let them play and spend time at home with the family, that’s what they are supposed to do at their age, that’s what will make them better human beings, not piano lessons, or French classes, or soccer practice. And I have the chance to know them more and be there for their real needs.
In the case of adopted children there are additional obstacles you and them have to overcome. So, why put more rocks in their path?
Let’s be honest, being good at math won’t help them overcome their adoption issues, but a close relationship with their adopted parents maybe will. And I say “maybe” because their background is so complex that many adopted children will never completely put their past behind.
One thing I consider very important when your children come home after being adopted is to spend full time with them for months. Yes, months, years if you can, they need that time to become part of the family, to get to know you and you to know them. It is what they need most, not school, of social interaction or lessons of any kind.
They will have time for that in the future, they have the rest of their lives for that. Don’t push them to succeed; time with their parents is what they need as stimulation.
And they are unique, unique in their background and their challenges, they don’t need more bumps in their roads.
Maybe it will take them longer to achieve a goal, but who’s timing them, anyway?

AliciA